 |
 |
|
| Roadkill by name, Roadkill by nature: Tedder turfed after testing tethers of technology treaty (Inset: Airman aims arse at administration) |
August 1 - Thousands of angry fans stormed the gates of the Welford Roadkill
Corporate Offices in protest last Wednesday after a controversial ruling of the X-Ball
tribunal that Christine "Airman" Sweeney and Sarah "Yohgurdee" Tedder, self-proclaimed
"bad girls" of the franchise, had finally taken their antics "one step too far."
"In this post 9-11 world in which we live, we don't our children to have role models
like Tedder or Sweeney who promote amoral ideals and destructive behaviour,"
stated the Roadkill General Manager in a press conference. "These two hooligans need
to be made an example of, to show our young fans that the Welford Roadkill will not tolerate
anarchy."
The press conference came after one of Sweeney and Tedder's wacky, rule-shattering stunts
crossed the line, violating the terms of their contract with charges including lawless
electronic sociability and reckless endangerment of productivity, finally breaking the thin strand
from which the balance of their X-Ball careers hung.
The two Mistresses of Mayhem seemed unphased by the ruling: "WOOOHOOO!" began Sweeney defiantly, "We f--king shattered that
I.T. policy, like, HARDCORE! Dude, you shoulda seen those old corporate dudes' faces when I totally
sent fuc--ng email during work time! YAAAAH, take dat you fat cat --ckers!"
Tedder added (equally defiantly), "TOTALLY FU--I-G XTREME, BEEYOTCH! WE'RE BADASS TO THE F-C-IN- MAX!
Y TO DA O TO DA G, DAWG! PEACE OUT, HOMEYS!"
As they were escorted off the premises by the authorities, they held up their arms in the sign of
an 'X', which, in the extreme world, signifies 'extreme', even though 'extreme' actually begins with
an 'e', proving once again their aversion to conformity. Many of the fans responded in kind.
The General Manager, amidst various boos and jibes, turned the attention of the crowd to
Rossatron McCart, Welford's spokesperson for goodness and normalcy.
"Airman and Yohgurdee were my friends," began the Rossatron, "but sometimes, you need to know
when your friends are crossing the line. They were bad seeds, these two, and no matter how
well they can shoot, attack, defend and pivot, there's no place in the organisation for bad seeds.
"I won't say I'm not upset by their departure. In fact, we shared many good times together as
teammates and as friends. I'm going to miss their smiles, their full lips, their long, shapely
legs and ample bosoms... tight... buttocks... so round...." the Rossatron visibly shook as emotion
overtook him, after which he walked away awkwardly, presumably distressed and overcome.
Despite the franchise's best efforts to rid the organisation of anarchist role models and corporate
criminal behaviour, the fans' dedication to the Destructive Duo remains strong.
"They were just having fun, and when you're having fun sometimes it's hard to know if you've crossed
the line," stated one distressed fan, wearing an obnoxiously-patterned thrill-seeking tie.
|  |
| Logogate: The infamous memorandum, forever a black mark on the organisation |
"I want to be just like Airman when I grow up," agreed a young fan, holding aloft an Airman action
figure, "Even got a detention for doing my English homework in TXT shorthand! FREE THE AIRMAN!"
This is the most horrific incident of x-tremity in the Roadkill organisation since Logogate, when an
interoffice memo was sent out deliberately with the incorrect font and mismatched pantone
colours, resulting in the deaths of three middle-management employees.
The source of the memo was never discovered.
|
|
 |
|
|
| Alexandra Davis |
Yes |
| Christine Sweeney |
No |
| Claire Palmer |
Yes |
| Deb Hulbert |
Yes |
| James Cooper |
Yes |
| Jamie Knox |
Yes |
| Julie Green |
Yes |
| Kevin Beimers |
Yes |
| Nigel Underwood |
No |
| Ross McCart |
Promotion |
| Sarah Tedder |
No |
| Scott McNicol |
No |
|
 |
|
|
Some people might call James Cooper the true heart of the team, but most think he resembles another body part entirely.
Age: 28
Height: 5' 11"
Marital Status: Playah
Nickname: Muncus
Key Position: Wing Defender
Strength: Well-crafted sentences
Weaknesses: Injured Rib, Snuff
Fav Pasttime: Exfoliating
Likely to hear him say: "Feel like a woman, James!" just before shooting on goal
|
|
I say, whatto! One's desktop looks rather smashing!
Muncus wallpaper! Dandy!
800x600 | 1024x768 |
|