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| The Rossatron forces a sportsmanlike smile as the Roadkill get poleaxed in Game 5 |
June 26 - They had never lost a single game in the history of the club's existence. Until now.
In a bizarre turn of events, the Welford Roadkill's runaway streak of luck came to an abrupt
end in Sunday's championship final.
In front of a spectacular crowd of nearly three spectators, Welford realised very early in the day
that its chances at the cup this year would be very slim.
Team spokesperson Jamie 'Knox-in-the-Box' had this to say about the tournament: "Aw, f**kin' hell."
Coach
Sweeney then took over the press conference and began to praise the efforts of her well-oiled Roadkilling
machine. (Unfortunately, her words of encouragement were drowned out by an incessant drumming noise from
the rear of the press hall.)
But despite their sudden descent to the bottom of the league's leaderboard, the spirits remained
high as expectations were not only met, but exceeded.
"The fact that the ball was occasionally in the other team's end zone was very exciting," stated one
fan. "Well, as exciting as watching a sport like this could possibly be."
The other said, "Netball? No, sorry, I here for wedding in other building."
The team's confidence did not waver, however, and they swear to be back in top form in time for September's
tournament. "We have much to look forward to," added Sweeney. "After all, we can only improve."
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| A fiery exchange ensues during fracas between James "Muncus" Cooper (WA), Jemma Jellybelly (Umpire) and Jerry "Wankster" MacDougal (Inset) |
The Allsorts Wing Defender Jerry 'The Wankster' MacDougal was nearly ejected from game six when his
poor sportsmanship and short fuse was on the verge of causing a bench-clearing brawl.
"Every X-Baller knows that when your team has the ball, it's important to find your space,"
commented James 'Muncus' Cooper on the incident, "it just so happens that the space he
wanted to find happened to be directly up my arse, and I wasn't going to stand for it."
Muncus also added: "His sort do not belong in a gentleman's game."
Officials have placed the blame entirely in Wankster's court, after ruling out that the
altercation was not caused by latent aggression from when James lost a contact lens
during practice earlier in the week.
Wankster was unavailable for comment.
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During a miraculous, self-sacrificing play in game three, legendary goal shooter Kevin "The Beav" sustained an ankle injury while performing his signature double-pivot, which may put him out for the rest of the season.
 
Fan[s] were screaming for joy when goal attack Sarah Tedder lobbed the ball in a glorious, parabolic arc, which "actually entered the hoop for once," witnesses stated. The event was celebrated later that evening with alcohol.
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| Games Won | 0 | |
| Games Lost | 7 |
| Goals For | 12 |
| Goals Against | 118 |
| Temperature | 27°C |
| Burn degree achieved | 3rd |
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| Female Players | 5 |
| ...who have played before | 2 |
| Male Players | 5 |
| ...who have played before | 0 |
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| Alexandra Davis | Centre |
| Christine Sweeney | Centre, Ump |
| Deb Hulbert | Goal Defense |
| James Cooper | Wing Defense |
| Jamie Knox | Goal Keeper |
| Julie Green | Wing Attack |
| Kevin Beimers | Goal Shooter |
| Ross McCart | Goal Keeper |
| Sarah Tedder | Goal Attack |
| Scott McNicol | Goal Attack |
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 Ross McCart adds his name to the Roadkill MVP trophy at the end of this year's event. Here's what makes The Rossatron tick...
Age: 24
Height: 5' 10"
Colour: Red
Nickname: The Rossatron
Marital Status: Single
Key Positions: Wing Defense, Goal Keeper
Strengths: Receiving Passes, Wit
Weaknesses: The Earth's Sun
Turn-Ons: Custard Wrestling
Pet Peeve: People who don't capitalise the 'T' in 'The Rossatron'
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Now your favourite Roadkiller has his own desktop wallpaper.
Wake Up to The Rossatron!
800x600 | 1024x768 |
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