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| Random Acts of Joe?: The band's frontman, Nigel Underwood, 23 (Inset: pork pie hat). |
July 11 - The Welford Roadkill were rocked this week by poor off-court discipline, which saw near
catastrophic injuries to James "Muncus" Cooper, 28, and Coach "Airman" Sweeney, 20, and left the reputation of the Roadkill as a serious
sporting outfit in tatters.
In a press release issued by the club, the events of the Monday evening were
explained.
On the previous Monday, four top players/team officials attended a VIP concert at an undisclosed location, in an
attempt to sign the band Random Joe to create a crowd-pleasing original composition for the Roadkill cheerleading squad. During and following the concert,
the foursome and one interloper received a catalogue of complaints against them:
- Rowdy and drunken behaviour throughout the night, including damage to a Who Wants to be a Millionaire quiz machine and disturbing a set by shouting out the answers.
- Abuse of a lead singer in a pink shirt and pork pie hat, within earshot of his girlfriend.
- Excess consumption of alcohol
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| Instigator: Millionaire Machine |
The club is dealing with any further allegations internally.
The Welford Roadkill spokesperson was visibly saddened as the identities of the players involved
were announced as The Rossatron, Muncus, Yogurty, and the respected Coach Airman Sweeney.
When the four players gave their statements, the press were focused on a fourth
incident in which an alleged piggy back race turned sour and both Coach Sweeney
and Muncus received minor injuries.
"It's not fair!" shouted Muncus according to bystanders, "The Rossatron has a lower centre of gravity!"
Sweeney later added, "It felt like I was flying, until I hit the floor – I slid for nearly
five feet on the back of Muncus."
Sweeney received a sore elbow. Unfortunately, Muncus received the very same elbow, though impacted directly
into his seventh rib.
Random Joe remain unsigned.
This article is a firsthand account of events from James Cooper, written during work time.
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| Beav: "I can beat this" |
The pivot-related ankle injury acquired during last month's Grand Championship
Final by Goal Shooter Kevin "The Beav" Beimers is healing nicely, doctors reported recently.
"An X-Baller's ankles are his livelihood," stated Chief Medical Examiner Jonathan Barratt,
"No ankles, no pivot. No pivot, no X-ball. All I'm saying is, thank goodness he still has
ankles."
The Beav was visibly underjoyed by the news.
"When I limped off the court halfway through game three, I thought that was it. I'd never
play again. However, the doctor says I should be back on both feet in time for next
season."
The rest of the team shared his disappointment.
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At the first-round drafts for the 05-06 season, Welford Roadkill plucked the catch of the
day. Claire Palmer, 22, looks forward to playing
with the Roadkill, primarily to achieve fame through online viral marketing.
 
Last night's BAFTA awards were swept clean by dark horse X-Baller's Wives.
The comedy marks the second runaway hit by Ricky Gervais, who stars as Kelvin "The Muskrat" Peters, goal shooter for the fictitious Milford Flatcats.
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| Alexandra Davis | Centre |
| Christine Sweeney | Centre, Ump |
| Claire Palmer | Bench Warmer |
| Deb Hulbert | Goal Defense |
| James Cooper | Wing Defense |
| Jamie Knox | Goal Keeper |
| Julie Green | Wing Attack |
| Kevin Beimers | Goal Shooter |
| Ross McCart | Goal Keeper |
| Sarah Tedder | Goal Attack |
| Scott McNicol | Goal Attack |
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 Do you share a birthday with Roadkill GD Deb Hulbert? She turns 40 on July 13th, making her the oldest player in the X-Ball league...
Age: 40
Height: 5' 9"
Nickname: The Obstructor
Key Positions: Goal Defense
Strengths: Pivoting, Stroking
Weaknesses: Chocolatey things
Fav Expression: "Hokey Pokey!"
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Customise your computer with hot Deb Hulbert wallpaper
Have Deb on your Desktop!
800x600 | 1024x768 |
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